August 2023 High/Low

it is what it is

This month started off with a bang. My niece MSM (her initials) made her Queen City debut and I was so happy. She lives in Germany with her parents so I didn’t get to see her for the first 7 months of her life. I spent most of my days after work, holding her and singing to her off beat. I also got to hang out with my other nieces and I am truly blessed. My girls are so grown up. My oldest niece is going to middle school this fall! Time truly waits for no one. I can still remember the day she was borned. So I spent most of my evening with my 5 little sunshines who reminded me that life is worth living. Plus, my oldest niece made me a cup of coffee and shared her orange zest cake with me. 

The second weekend of August, I flew to Ottawa, Canada to celebrate my brother Art's wedding to his beautiful bride.  Before the ceremony, I got a chance to walk around my hotel’s neighborhood and be a tourist for a few hours. 

The third week was spent hugging my dear niece as much as possible, running, and focusing on the present moment.

The final week was spent working my normal work hours, walking, running and doing strength training. I was able to go hiking on my own on Saturday which was an accomplishment of some sort. Last year, on my first solo hiking trip, I was a wreck emotionally, mentally and physically. I couldn't reach the top of the mountain and had a mini breakdown. But this time, it was different. I was in a different place mentally, emotionally and physically. Although the circumstances did not change from last year, it was different. I reached the top of the mountain. 

Joy and pure happiness had become such a distant concept for me that when I felt it again this month, it felt strange. I literally told my bestfriend that it is weird to not be numb or wanting to crawl up on the floor and cry to sleep. The month had its normal trial and tribulation and I did cry some days but I felt joy and pure happiness. 

As the summer months are coming to end , I’m becoming more aware of what’s yet to be accomplished, what I need to lay down, buried and mourned and the uncertainty that lies ahead. As I slowly embraced and accepted that the life I presently live is not what I had envisioned, it is still an answered prayer. God does answer prayers…but on His timeline, not ours. 

~xoxo